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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in C. Ryan Taylor's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
8:53 pm
one day...
so again, it's been awhile shince I let you in on what's goin' on in my life. The next day after my last post I spoke to my ex on the phone for the first time in seven months. It didn't fuck me up too much but I wasn't too thrilled about it either. I'm so done and over her now. I had a great Halloween and finally found love. My co-worker "H" finally came around and let me in her life and even though we've been a couple for a month, I love her very much. I've known her since I started at the resturant and we've always been close and spent time together, having lunch after shifts and seeing free movies and talking, so by the time we made it official, she pretty much knew everything about me and knew what she was getting herself into. I met her whole family, parents included on Thanksgiving and had a nice and relaxing time. Thanksgiving was also my only day off probably since my last post. Yesterday was my second day off. I'm exhausted. But loving every second of all of this. The film projects are moving forward at an awesome rate. Very much a process and we're making sure we're not going to fuck them up. "Floaters" is almost a perfect script by now. The Vampire project is kicking ass as usual. Only getting better and better by the day. Life is good my friends.
Sunday, October 17th, 2004
2:37 am
finally, rain...
so it finally rained today here in Los(t) Angeles. It hasn't rained in over 7 months to the best of my warped recollection. 7 months and no rain... Can you believe that shit. I can feel melancholy and actually fit in. No real word on the rest of the Van Damme movie. I don't really care anymore if I get the full gig, storyboarding the rest of the film, it just seems like too much hassle, plus working with Van Damme directly makes me nervous, heard too many stories. That's why I hate looking for work, too much of a waiting game, stressful having to think about the next few weeks in advance when for the past six months I've been living day-to-day, not thinking about even two days ahead 'cause so many things happen quickly now. I'll be happy to get the credit for just doing the fight stuff. Clocked 13 hours at all three jobs today. Kicked it at Bob's Big Boy after was all done. Finally, rain...
Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
11:48 pm
new shoes...
so I've been working non-stop since Thursday on the drawings for "Kumite", the next Van Damme opus. I've been working with Uncle Peter everyday, except Sunday, to get these boards done by next Wednesday, when he leaves to go back to Vancouver. Non-stop. I'm clocking in 16 hours days at all three (3) jobs. Since I'm getting paid by the hour for drawing, it's very much a job.We meet at different coffeeshops and resturants. I've done 29 pages of boards, 4 boards per page, since Thursday. Over 110 drawings, all specific fight choreography for Van Damme's movie. If I'm repeating things, who cares, I'm going out of my mind. I need sleep, a backrub, a blowjob and a paycheck. I'm a slave to the man. I feel like the theater job is on it's way out and not because I've got this storyboard job and I'm thinking too big for it, but dumb shit keeps going on around me and getting me involved, by my just being an observer. If something further happens maybe I'll talk about it here, right now I have no time for dumb shit and drama. No time for love, Dr. Jones neither. I'm just enjoying the fun times I'm having right now. The ladies at the E-Bar have been very supportive and they all have my love. I want to keep that job for as long as I can hold onto it. I love it. I've never loved a job as much and it almost scares me. Anyway, time to get high, I deserve it, watch Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope and drift away... Till I meet up with Uncle Peter tomorrow at 10am at Starbucks next to Bob's Big Boy.
Friday, October 8th, 2004
2:51 am
state of insanity...
so today I got hired to do storyboards for a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie, "Kumite", http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0410176/ I didn't go looking for this job, it hunted me down and sneak attacked me before I had my morning coffee. Right now, I'm just doing the fight choreography drawings for Uncle Peter. If The producer of the movie likes the drawings, I might get hired on to finish the rest of the film. The more important thing is that I'm getting paid, by the hour, to do the drawings now. So I will get paid. Uncle Peter (who isn't my uncle, he's Mike's uncle but he's the guy who's producing the Vampire Project so I've adopted him as my uncle as well) has a deadline of about two weeks to pull all the fight stuff together to finish the film. I should be paid in two weeks or weekly depending. Fun stuff, the movie is basically "Bloodsport 2" without calling it that and not having anything to do with the sequel to "Bloodsport" which Van Damme wasn't in. Are we all following along? Yeah, me neither... I'm going crazy. Completely nuts, I tell you. I'm not working on the vampire project until this little 15 scene, 20 drawings per scene job is done. It's basically college life all over again for me. I might pull an almost all nighter tonight to get this stuff done for my 8am meeting with Uncle Peter. Doubt it though. But whatever, he saw me draw 12 drawings all to his satisfaction this afternoon less than an hour after springing the job on me, which is how I love it, doesn't give me anytime to think about it, just do it... I live a fucked up, warped, twisted, beautiful life.... Can you believe this shit?
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
10:37 pm
day of rest...
so today was my day of rest. It started off with me waking up and it being kinda cold in my apartment. The carpets were cleaned yesterday, for free since we renewed the lease. So all the windows were open all night and my roommate (who is right now at a friends house because she lost her car keys and has no way to get in, I've called her letting her know I'm home but no answer... yet) opened all the windows this morning, and the temperature has dropped outside. Then I got a little high and watched "Empire Strikes Back" snuggling up on the couch and fell back asleep. Then I woke up and it was suddenly 5pm and I needed human contact. My boy picked me up and we got coffee, two slices of pizza from this new pizza place near my jobs and replaced the video and cd store that used to be there. There is a table where the porno section used to be. We both missed that porno section and couldn't sit there, too many memories. Then I smoked a little tiny bit more and watched "Shaun of the Dead" and laughed our asses off at it's brilliance. Great fuckin' movie. Just go see it 'cause all your friends will, so you might as well be the first on your block to experience all that is "Shaun". You'll thank me for it. We were laughing out the door, up the street. It was a relaxing day off. The only day off that I get. I was an extremely early champion for "Napoleon Dynamite" and look at how that movie has been doing. It's been playing for 16 weeks. No other movie has played for 16 weeks and is still doing great business for a movie that is really hard to describe. Anyway, I'm a bit broke. I'm exhausted, not from today but from the past few weeks. It's been quite a ride and things are only heating up. I'm trying to keep balance. I enjoy balance...
Sunday, September 26th, 2004
11:55 pm
tri-polar disorder
so, right now, I'm sitting in front of my computer, my day & night is done, still in my work-pants, partially stained from flying bits of hot liquid food that I deal with 4-5 days a week, my shoes still on with gigantic holes in the bottoms of them since I can't afford to get new ones, my hair styled in a slightly nerdy part that had to last at least 14 hours since my 9 hour work day is stretched out over 12 hours, from 10:30am to 10:15pm, I open the restaurant and close the theater, the entire time I'm at both jobs all I can think about is samurai vampires and mobster-buddy comedies. So, right now, I have three film projects and two comic books in various stages of development. The vampire short film, "Floaters", and "Walking in the Shadows: A Vampire Apocalypse". All three now have other people besides Malota and myself, involved on some level, producers, a director, stunt-men, and actors. Or people we've asked to be in the films and basically act. "Floaters" will be the easiest project to work on/get off the ground and made. The script is solid, the charactors work and it's original. I'm barely doing any work on that one now, basically I'm thinking about the whole movie and getting actors and actresses involved, but not too many, Malota is good at that and knows a shitload more actors than I do. The actors I know are waiters and bartenders, most of which have no idea I'm watching them to see what their personality is and if I would use them for a project. Like I said before, I'm casting dead fairies and dudes to burn the witch and shit like that for the short, but I'm trying to not talk too much about shoot dates and trying to keep expectations kinda low so no one is too dissapointed. I'm fucking insane right now. The short film will be fun to shoot, it'll be ours, we'll make a few mistakes that we'll learn from so when it comes time to shoot the vampire feature, we'll not make those same mistakes and just rock out with our cock out. Then add to all of this madness the fact that I'm having a heart-stretching relationship with a woman who is going to school 2,500 miles away. If you ever one day read this, you whom I'm speaking of, this is me, you've known me at "my realist", never more honest and open. It's difficult to not think about this person, when speaking on the phone like they're two blocks away at a 24 hour famous diner endlessly chain-smoking and mainlining coffee discussing the birth and creation of a possible fashion trend, one that we will start. Intense feelings and emotions. A conflict: do I wait for this person or do I continue to have as much fun as I've been having being free to be with women that I feel like spending time with because they are right there in front of me, being as real as can be? Am I just overblowing a friendship, just a type of friendship that I've not experienced before? I'm a firm believer that when you're in a relationship that you should be friends first and lovers later that night... It's mostly difficult for me to prioritize my emotions because most of these relationships I'm having with women lately are not being defined, meaning they don't tell me how they feel about me, they just are there, next to me late at night (6am) watching movies, having dinner/lunch, going to the movies and having coffee before/after. Even my closest guy friends aren't sure what some of the signals are. I still haven't kissed a girl, since... Anyway, what a thing to bitch about...huh? I just wish I'd get paid for the vampire script soon so I can get a hair cut and some new shoes... This is what happens when I work too much... Any thoughts? Comments? Feel free to vent and release...
Friday, September 24th, 2004
9:03 pm
mad rush...
so a lot happened today. I worked at E-Bar, asked the cutie that I'm crushin' on if she wanted to get coffee with me at the Bean after I got off work. At first her response was "...uh, I have to wash my hair..." and I was like "I've heard that one before!..." then without giving me an answer she kinda disappeared. I felt totally rejected, denied. But I stayed strong and just kept working, a million thoughts running through my head. I felt shame... Then about 20 minutes later, she pops back up... "So what time am I meeting you?" YES!!!! So I said around 5ish. Then the mutherfucker who was scheduled to come in at 4pm, when I would be off, doesn't show up. This always happens just usually they are a few minutes late and all is well. Nope, this jackass didn't show, I let management know just so they know and they ask me to stay. Fuck! So I'm strolling around dying to get the hell out of there to go hang out with the girl. Anyway, another Expo shows up and clocks in around 5:15pm. I bust out of there, haulass up to the coffee shop, two whole blocks away and there she is. It was the first time I'd seen her out of her work uniform and in her normal clothes. Anyway, we hung out and talked, just getting to know you kinda stuff. She's cool. I dig her. She claims to never date co-workers but whatever, I just want to hang out with her, see what happens, have fun, you know. I'm not the kind of person to try and force myself onto other people and be too aggressive. But then again, I'm a different person now and I enjoy being who I am right now and having energy and spirit with all that I do. We talked about the project and when I mentioned it was a vampire movie, she melted. She loves vampire stuff and we had a great time talking about this stuff. Good times. Then she left and I hung out with some of my friends who all got a good look at her and were "proud of me" for hangin' with a mad cutie. Then Malota shows up with the DVD of the opening scene from "Floaters" which was shot up in San Francisco about 4 months ago. A buddy of mine and I watched it. It's great. It's exactly how I imagined it as I wrote the scene two years ago, placing the dialoge in settings and locations that make sense. A really cute short film, and totally something that we can use to raise money and interest for the project. We just watched it about 20 minutes ago so it's all fresh in my mind. It was also the first time something that I wrote has been shot and produced by someone other than myself. Finally, I feel like things are happening, and happening at the pace with which I'm comfortable with. It's a struggle but one where little rewards like this make it all worth it. An exciting day. A huge smile was across my face as I watched it. And it's watchable, not too choppy, the acting is great, the backgrounds make sense. I can't wait to show this to other people. It was also the first time I've seen Malota act on screen. I enjoy my life now. It can still get better but I'm enjoying moments like this...
Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
11:58 pm
Star Wars... Duh!
so yesterday I waited outside of Circuit City for 20 minutes, first in line, first in first out to get the Star Wars Trilogy on DVD. $47.88 or something to walk out the door. What a bargain, that's like 11 dollars a movie, plus the forth disc of bonus stuff which I haven't watched yet.

I have a crush on a new girl at Ebar and she is adorable. So cute. I'm reverting back to high school antics like having other co-workers of mine tell her "that I'm awesome! She needs to go out with me..." type bullshit. Who knows if it will work or not. I just think she is great and would love to spend what little free time I have now, before massive preproduction begins on the short and features.

Hey, ladies, any advice on how to ask this girl out would be greatly appreciated as it has been about 6 years since I've been in the dating scene... Don't think I don't know how to ask a girl out, I do. I've done it recently, but somehow... I don't know. I'm talkin about fantasy date-asking time. Send me how you would love to be asked out by a guy/girl in order to jump-start the process of love. I work with this girl again on Friday, I think, so write away...!
Monday, September 20th, 2004
11:07 pm
i don't know...
so I saw "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" tonight. It was fucking great. Totally retro-sci-fi-pulp-adventure flick ripped from the golden age of cinema. really good stuff. I worked at Ebar today, which was nice and slow after my crazy weekend of getting all the stuff done for the short, getting ready to send it off to the director so he can get the funding and we can shoot. I've started recruiting extras to be in the flick, women I work with at Ebar to play dead fairies and villagers ready to burn a witch. They are all down and ready to play dress up... Little do they know they'll just be laying on the ground for most of the night, in the woods! But i'm gonna make the experience fun for everybody, no matter what. I can't wait to shoot this stuff. All of it has leaked out of my brain and onto paper and will be shot on film with real actors. It's fuckin' crazy. All of it. it's just nuts. Anyway, have fun....
Thursday, September 16th, 2004
12:39 am
end of summer is upon us...
so I found this link on a friend's journal. Pretty fuckin crazy, huh? http://www.vkb-tech.com/technology/default.asp Anyhoww, Nice diversion from the Vampire project, which I am heavily storyboarding at the moment. Well, earlier today I was drawing. Not so much right now. It's been a long couple of weeks and I'm feelin' the burn. But the burn feels good. So full week ahead, work 10 shifts this week, 5 from both jobs each. Nice. I'll be rock-starin' it through the week. So if you're in the area and would like to come out and save me/help me escape for awhile, you know where to find me.
Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
12:25 am
what a day...
so I worked this morning, got off at 2:30pm and got a ride home from a retardedly hot co-worker of mine. Then Malota picked me up and we went cock first into this project. Right now, all of our focus is on the short film for the feature. Basically we have a budget, a producer, a director, a star, me and enough extras to fill the screen. The short film will be used to generate interest from other producers, production companies, financiers, whoever wants to see it to become involved in the feature. The short will be on the DVD for the movie. Malota and I talked for about an hour, nailing every shot for the short and then went and met up with the producer. This was the first time since the second week of working on this project that I had a sit down with the producer. Which was great. He loved the script, loved all the drawings. Then he makes a few calls and we awaited the arrival of "Koga". Or the martial artist that will play him. More info on him later. But he was down for the project. Very excited. Today was an example of how drastically my life has changed. We all talked a bit more, then Malota and I discussed what is to be done by both of us in the next few days. I then went to another coffee shop where nobody (kinda) knows me and drew for about 3 hours, then ate a grilled cheese at Bob's Big Boy near my house. I've got tons more to do and don't fear I'll get all of it done. This is my life, what I'm destined to do, why I'm living in life-sucking Los Angeles. This town eats up people and spits them out, then swallows. It ain't swallowin' me. Today was a great day...
Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
12:22 am
voicemail delight...
so since getting this cellphone about 6 months ago, I've discovered the joys and pain of all things cellphone related. Motherfuckers can reach me anytime anywhere... Of course I can't answer my phone when I'm at work, either job. And that's when everybody calls me, because I'm also at work for 10 hours a day. I get these voicemails from people, most are friends of course, some aren't. Some are fustrating to the degree that I don't want to listen to the whole things 'cause my life is wasting away. Others get my heart all a-flutter. Malota leaves voicemails like this... "Dude, it's Mike (duh) I got some really exciting news about the project, I think you'll be really excited and totally happy. It's big news. Anyway, wanted to tell you, so call me back and maybe we'll get together tonight and kick it. This news is fan-fucking-tastic! Pimp-out brother." Beep. That's it. No description of what the actual news is, how it pertains to me, whatever... I call him back when I can, which is usually 2 hours later cause I'm on the clock and he knows this, and get his voicemail. "Hey it's Ryan. Got your voicemail, can't wait to hear the news. Call me back. Oh, I'm off work too. Later." Beep. Then my brain races about what the news can be. He's done this to me before. He knows I hate it when I'm left hanging. Then the beyotch doesn't call me back for like 5 hours or more. Usually I don't care. Then the news... Sometimes the news has actually been really great. $50,000 dollar budget to do a short film with our tapped director of the Vampire Project. A legit production company is interested in reading the script and seeing the art. The short film will be about whatever we want (the vampire project extended trailer, the origins of the main characters) and it will kick ass. The short film going to be shot in 4-6 weeks from today's date. That was the call I got today. A five day shoot. Pretty cool, man. Sometimes the news is like the time when he met Flava Flav from Public Enemy, like three weeks ago or something and how he (da Flav) wants to learn KUNG-FU!! And basically got hired to teach Da Flav some KUNG-FU. And how does this relate to the project, "I don't know, maybe we could put him in the movie as "Flav the Vampire"." So my response was something like, "Yeah, that'll explain where he's been since 1991. He's been a vampire, living underground in Europe or Africa." And that got us thinking how warped and twisted this project has become. We're still considering it. Flava Flav might be in this movie. How warped and twisted it that? Anyway, I kept that voicemail and played it for my friends and told them the story. They think my life is entertaining right now. And I agree with them. Of course the ladies call and those calls make my heart go a-flutter too. I enjoy entertaining the ladies...
Sunday, September 12th, 2004
9:47 pm
unborn legacy...
so I realized that I needed to make something of myself a few months ago, then like a flash, my life changed. As a regular part of my natural evolution, and considering I wear (2) work uniforms all day and night, I started sporting a "faux-hawk", where my hair is spiked up in the center, but not shaved on the sides, just sort of happened. I had been spiking my hair for a few years now, but the faux-hawk pushed it all up a few notches. Women started taking notice... for the first time ever. "why not a real mo-hawk?" some of you may be asking to the screen... Answer, neither of my jobs would be smiling at me as much as they are now. Anyway, so getting back to the point of making something of myself... This vampire project happened real quick and all of a sudden we created characters that are recognizable, all have unique names and style, none of which wear black trench-coats or ultra shiny leather, and word began to spread about this project. I keep calling it a project and not a 'movie' cause this baby is gonna live past being just a movie. A few weeks ago, maybe two months ago, I got a ride home from a co-worker who was about 3 1/2 months pregnant at the time and she looked at my book and stopped on the character of "Darius". she says something like, "Nice name..." to which I replied, "yeah, all the names are kinda unique, like Zero, Jub-Jub, Blake, Okugi, Darius, Maryella, Sevar, and Koga..." Just to name a few of the characters in the movie. Anyway, Friday night, she comes into the theater and is now like 6 months prego and I hug her, not having seen her for a few weeks since "the Great Divide" (which I'll talk about at a later date) and she says her husband and her have made a decision. Middle name of the unborn child... DARIUS. Can you believe that? Naming a child after a character I created before it hits theaters and lunchboxes!!! That's fuckin crazy. That one may haunt my ego for awhile.

I thought that was pretty cool.

I have a new AIM screen name: xaivierzaffy

recognize.

I went online tonight and went to IM a "good friend" of mine and her away message said this...

Auto response from f t**e m**e: sleeping and having sWEeT dreams about you XaivierZaffy

I love the ladies, I love them long time...

More on the evolution of me and updates on the Project to come...
Thursday, September 9th, 2004
8:57 pm
forever on the verge...
so I was told today the producer is coming into town tomorrow, from Vancouver. This is the project that I have been brewing in the back of my mind for the past 10 years, without having any idea of how to structure it. It also is the coolest project I've ever been a part of. We've been working on it for the past three months and it feels like forever ago when we had the first meeting about doing an action project. This thing has become epic, Shakespearian in it's scope and designed out the wazzooo. Of course my scanner is dead and the art is on disc at my boy's pad and in the three sketch books that I carry around with me at all times. We got something here. Plus, on top of all of that, I'm happy. For the first time in my life, I'm happy with where I'm at and who I surround myself with. Sure, I'm still working the two jobs and have so little time to date and see people, but who fucking cares. I'm doing EXACTLY what I moved from Florida to Los Angeles 4 years ago to do. Draw and write for movies. And they are my movies, I'm not running around out there trying to pimp myself out and get breadcrumbs and work on crappy studio projects. We're really doing it out here and it's never been more real. I've let go. I've let go of anything and everything that I felt was negative and holding me back in the past. I never felt good about alot of the work I did in the past. This art and writing I'm doing now blows everything I've done in the past out of the water. I have an entirely new portfolio of all kick ass shit. And I haven't been paid a dime for any of the hundreds(literally) of hours I've put into this project and part of me is glad about that fact. I've done this work for myself and have no fear that we won't be able to raise the 5 million dollar budget that we need to pull off our debut feature. "Floaters" is almost fully cast and the script is being tweaked as we speak to get it into top form, adding a character that I'll tell you about after it becomes a tad bit more real with the actress involved, but don't worry, it's cool. She's hot in my opinion. And she may be the money person as well, who knows, a bit too early to say for sure. Anyway, I work both jobs tomorrow, which should be no problem since I've been doing this whole three job thing for the past three months and have found a balance between the two actual jobs, writing and drawing for the project and, oh yeah, a great social life. Again, for the first time ever... Balance.
Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
4:31 pm
where to begin...???
so I'm really alive. I know it must be hard to believe if there are those of you with the faith to believe. Not that it matters much, I didn't have much faith in myself a few months ago when I had made my last few posts before moving out of my old place and crashing at a friends, on their couch in their bedroom. before moving into an apartment that I can barely afford even with the two jobs that I still have, both of which are going great. The theater... what to say about the theater? I only work at the 8 inside the mall now, but I practically run the place, my attitude towards the job has changed and I've become a pseudo-rock star there, not really giving a fuck about policy but making sure the guests have fun, cause what's the point otherwise? The job at the Elephant Bar, E-Bar, has been kicking ass! I love it, it's silly, I got really good at the job, am rock-starin' it there as well, and I love everyone I work with. They are really great people, a close-nit group that likes to party and hang out after work, eat lunch together and lend support whenever needed. Great people. The other really big news that none of you know about it the "Vampire Project". Basically three months ago I was hired to write a low-budget vampire martial arts script. Well it got a little bit out of hand and is now an epic, huge, multi-layered, crazy Samurai Ninja Vampires From Hell movie. I started writing the project at the end of May and finished the first draft a month and a half later and have been doing production drawings the entire time. Character design, weapons design, set design, everything and anything to get the point across. Then we, my boy Malota and I, decided that we really got something here and the words comic series, toy line, video game, lunch boxes, hats everything came flooded at us and we knew we really had something here. I will be posting the drawings here in a few days to show you what I'm talking about. This project is off the hook right now. It's a living breathing thing that other people that I don't even know are coming up to me asking how it's going. It's so fucking surreal. Anyway, as far as my love life is concerned, I gots no time for love, Dr. Jones. I've never been this busy before in my life. I have gone out on a few dates over the past month or two, none that were so outstanding they are worth writing about as past of my past, but who knows, I did meet someone who reached me in places no one has wanted to reach in a while (and of course she moves across the country to finish her senior year of college, that's me, bad timing all the time...) at least not since the breakup, which this post will be the last time I mention the break up since I am so done with it and have been for a while. The best fucking thing to EVER happen to me. EVER. Anyway, I'm not going to try to read through 5 months of back dated posts for everybody, if you want to link me to some interesting posts you guys have written so I can play catch up, that would be awesome. I can't wait to hear from some of you guys again...
Thursday, April 29th, 2004
11:16 pm
blood still flows...
so I'm alive and doing better than I ever have. It's also the longest I've gone without internet and shit. I'll catch up with all you guys in a couple of days after I officially move into my new place on Saturday. Other than that I've been working my ass of at both jobs and trying to love every second of it. I'm alive. That's all that seems to matter right now. More to follow. Send me love........
Thursday, April 15th, 2004
12:45 pm
early summer breeze...
so it's Thursday early afternoon, my first official day of in almost a month. I slept in till around 11am. Most of my stuff is packed, in boxes, in the garage. All that's not packed is the computer, my alarm clock, some sheets and blankets, my three pair of shoes and my two work uniforms. The plan is to be out of here at 8am Friday, tomorrow. Then after I move my shit, I work at 10:30am til 3:30pm at the theater, then 4pm to whenever at the E-Bar then get up and see first show Saturday of "Kill Bill Vol 2". Of course I bought the DVD of "Vol 1" on Tuesday before I went to work. Then I worked and went and got Chinese food with some buddies and watched the flick with my friends kick ass DTS system in his house. That movie has a profound effect on me. It energizes me, a thousdand ideas spring to mind while watching it, then I'm physicially exhausted after sitting through it. This will be my last entry for a couple of days, unless my friend's internet is working, but I don't think it is. There is always the library and other people's houses. One of the few items I have to buy is a new monitor for the computer. The one we've been using belongs to someone else and they want it back. And I have to buy a new VCR but that will be later. Work at both jobs has been going good. Tips rock!!! I've actually asked the closer to text message me when my tips are ready to be picked up, so I get a "$$$" as the message then I go and pick up cash. It's awesome at the end of a shift. The theater is the same, no better no worse, I've been scheduled box office, selling tickets, for the next week. Which means I'll only deal with food and drinks at one job a day. The burn on my hand is scabbing up nicely, to the point where it's grossing people out. I've since covered it with anti-biotic ointment and bandaids. Anyway, the weather is really nice today, no other way to describe it. I'm gonna go out and play before my busy weekend. Why, because I fucking deserve it...
Monday, April 12th, 2004
11:05 pm
you can't see me...
So I've come to the inclusion, meaning now I can look back and understand just how temporary life is. And for some reason I have felt like nothing is going to be exciting anymore, like I had lost adrenaline, lost spirit. Then I thought to myself, while drinking my coffee in the morning with my ironed work shirt hanging on another chair, a waiting disaster with all that liquid and cigarettes flying around, when was the last exciting thing that has happened to me in the past decade? I could name a few off the top of my head: my third day at art school, because it was so new and free and real; that time when I kissed that girl who eventually took my virginity without even knowing it; when I saw a movie billboard I had actually worked on only two weeks before in an office in Los Angeles on a computer, also my first day on the clock doing movie posters. Pretty exciting stuff I tell you, all stories I like to tell occasionally when the right ear is near. But could that be it? Will it ever be exciting to me to… If I knew the answer to that one, music flowing through my headphones , more coffee, don't drip near me lady, I'd probably be a bit more upbeat about a lot of things. Simply put. It's like, I'm not worried about my skill level(art, writing, conceptualizing, being a pimp), physical endurance (now feels most like being in college except my homework doesn't have a deadline {which is why I quarterly complete something grand}but socially and work-wise) nor my sanity (which is in check, people! She ain't takin that with her). I'm feeling better about myself, now that I'm around new and different people, I'm working really hard, have a future I didn't plan on (or had I been planning all along) and the time will come for me to be exciting again. I'm sure of it. I'm being honest here. I think. I don't regret what I haven't done. Yet. All that while I drink iced-blended coffee before I go to work, either job, both jobs.
1:25 am
21st Century Digital Boy...
so I figured out this whole text message thing that I had been avoiding since it's inception. I figure, what they hell, if you want to text message me, here's my address...

8187496786@vmobl.com

Um, let's see, I worked all weekend, since Friday I logged 23 hours on the clock at both jobs, just in 3 days..I'm up to something like 60 hours for the week. In two weeks I'm gonna be rich.Till then I got about $400 to my name which for me is just enough to last me till then and then on the 1st of May, I move into my new place and pay rent again. I honestly can't say how much longer I can do both jobs, sometimes in the same day. I'm so exhausted and yet I get a huge rush of energy after all is said and I'm punched out of either place. At least tomorrow is a Monday, so it should be slow at E-Bar and I will be done around 2:30pm. I saw "Hellboy" again tonight with my buddy after eating dinner at my work. My guardian angel served us, then comped us, so the meal was free. I had money and was more than willing to pay, but that is her nature.
Other than that the house is on the market and I can't wait to be out of here and free of all this shit. Most of my stuff is packed and I should be moving out on Friday. My emotions are a mixed bag. Work distracts me enough, my friends have realized I don't want to talk about it all the time, women look at me a little different or at least I seem to think so... Maybe it's just that they can sense fear. Well, time to iron my shirt for work. Send me strength and DVD's.
Friday, April 9th, 2004
11:55 pm
overcast hazy sunshine...
so, okay, time for some good news. I met with the woman who lives in the apartment where I will be moving into on or around the 1st of May. She seems pretty cool and should make for an interesting room mate. She works at Warner Bros. Warner Bros "Ranch Lot" is directly across the street. I could see it from the window that will soon be my bedroom. I'm moving in with my friend Neal in a couple of days for a few weeks. So in a couple of days I won't have to deal with this mess anymore as far as living together and dealing with the sale of the house. Certain weights will be lifted and I can move the fuck on. I made $35 dollars in tips in 3 hours on a Thursday. Kick fucking ass. I was expecting like $10. So with my winnings I played pool with a friend before going to see the new place and meeting my future roommate. And I can bring my cat, Dizzie. I was so excited when I saw that she has a cat and that she was thinking about getting another one for her cat to play with. Super-awesome. In bad news, I cut my finger at work so I had a nice bandaid on my knuckle for the majority of my shift. A few minutes later I burned the top of my hand on the popper, underneath the bottom of the kettle, which I think is the hottest area in the building, I have a nice quarter-size burn mark on that part of the top of the hand inbetween the thumb and index finger. What the hell is that part called? It stopped hurting after a few minutes and then began My Easter Weekend Nightmare. Don't be surprised if "The Passion" jumps into the top 5 or even top 3 in box office this weekend. Remember, you read it here first. Let me also be one of the firsts to say the "Van Helsing" is gonna suck. Sorry but it will, I mean, I want it to be good. But I have it on good acord that it has major issues with pacing, plot and even why the characters are there when they didn't interact in the original novels. If you want to do "Monster Squad 2" hire me as the writer and I'll write something that will tear the ass off of people who go to see movies. Anyway, I'm feeling a bit more motivated that usual. I'm working through this. I told my dad about my break-up today. I had called him to give him my new cell number, he felt bad but I told him I'm so over this and done with her that he shouldn't feel bad. Haven't told my mom yet. She just got married in Febuary and I haven't wanted to have that talk with her yet.I'll probably tell her on Sunday when I make my Easter calls. I miss Easter Egg Hunts. Used to do them every year, no matter what or how old. Almost until I was 16 or 17. Mostly for the thrill of the hunt. And candy. And I heard somewhere that chicks dig chocolate and therefore I needed to be in full supply. My new cell phone rocks. Know what I'm sayin'?
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